i consciously keep an 'anger meter' in my head that ticks when i'm hitting close to 100 wps (words per second). i talk too much when i'm angry. that's just how i am.
it's not just plain hate-talk, it's one emotional turbulence i wished away, albeit unsuccessfully when i was 6 years old, and one of my playmates broke my barbie doll's arm. he became a friendless, hapless creature after that.
my temper doesn't rise that often. i try to control my breathing and count 1 to 50 in my head to release some livid mental waves--believe me, it works! i have a very selective confrontational spirit that reboots each time i feel that i've been had. vindication has a different ring to it more than the words 'getting even'.
it's ok to surrender to fury and antagonism once in a while...because after the outburst, everything will settle like pebbles in a glass of water--nice and easy. sabi nga sa curious case of benjamin button..."you can be as mad as a dog at the way things went. you can curse the fates. but when it comes to the end, you have to let go" pa din.
sometimes, holding back causes heart attack. it engulfs and dampens your spirit, it enslaves your potential, and traps your conscience inside a one-track road. unless you take it out on someone, you'd be fenced in indefinitely.
if you let that person get away with hurting your feelings, he will not reach a point of realization until some other brave soul pops his balloon and voila! he's a changed man! too bad you lost the chance of getting your message across. in your eyes, he is now the untouchable, fearless beast, and soon after, you'd feel responsible for allowing him to trample on your feelings in the first place. if it were not for the complacence he gathered (with you as guinea pig), he would have said the magic word--sorry--right after his first transgression.
just make sure that your show of anger can still be accommodated within reason. there's classy outrage and there's palengkera outrage. you can tell a person's upbringing by hearing him talk in the midst of wrath.
get angry. be cautious. set yourself free.
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