most of the bloggers may have written about the year that ended or about the year that is just about to start. i am a blogger, but i want to be different.
i'd tell you about my 2 failures in profound words (not that i have written any anecdote in simple words, so far). yes, i took the long exam for two consecutive septembers. yes, i failed in both. yes, i took the test again, and yes, i still have the kind of expectations that can fill this page up in a jiffy. my heart is not made of stone. but my body is a big boulder--herculean even--that can endure the meanest tidal wave and come out unscathed. the fact alone that i can eat in a crowded restaurant by my lonesome is hard evidence of my imposing statement: i have lived through it all and i'm not taking any crap from anybody (except from my mom of course).
it wasn't easy. a close friend of mine once spent the whole day marveling at my inner poise. little did she know that it took a toll on my heart (literally). it skipped a few beats one morning, after i heard the bad news for the second time. but my grieving moment was as uneventful as the time i lost my first tooth. no one noticed. maybe because i still had 3 more to spare hanging like withered leaves and holding onto my gums for dear life. that's how i survived the first two storms that came into my life--hanging.
i never did expect empathy from loved ones. i just knew they'd be there for me...because they love me, and they took the first blow. nothing but unconditional love has saved me from all anxieties. it was more than enough to live by.
they say that the heart is incredibly resilient...its threshold for pain can match that of a woman undergoing labor. i agree. i'd probably be having twins and not feel a thing. no anesthetic has permeated my skin long enough to tell the story of how it has put my body to calming pleasure. i became a masochist.
but i'm no superwoman. i got my tough genes from my dad, this i cannot deny. my friends tell me my exterior does not complement my being sofspoken. haha! that could be used as a tool to deceive.
i have only God to thank for pulling me out of the dark. i have set my eyes on my ambition for a long time, i am not about to look away...for as long as i can write mean pleadings more credibly than a true-blue senior lawyer.
i believe i know my limits well enough to shirk away from over-confidence, and from overconfident fools who cannot tell fact from fiction. my stories are brave as the one who has lived to tell them. the path i have chosen may have been dodgy, and i have slipped many times...but the herculean effort to rise and pick myself up has been a great trade i will never mark for barter.
all told, it was a humbling experience. one that taught me how to choose my battles and win them all in God's time.
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